View Amy's Intern Blog!

Don't miss our upcoming seminars!
More Information!

Austin Bridal Secrets has done a video interview with Amy! View Video!

Make a Payment

Amy,
I am a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding. I have been seeing someone and it has taken a serious turn, we have been ring shopping, but haven't told anyone about our plans yet because we haven't been together that long, but it is just one of those things that clicked. On my invitation, my cousin didn't indicate whether or not I can bring a guest, I emailed her and said I wanted to bring this person I have been seeing and she told me that people that weren't married, engaged or serious were not given the opportunity to bring a guest and I wasn't to feel left out about it. The problem is that I believe that she has extended the guest invite to some other bridesmaids that don't have serious relationships, she said if I wait two weeks, she might be able to accommodate my request for a guest. I already asked my boyfriend (soon to be fiancé) to go with me, this was before I received the invitation. What do I do? I am hurt by this and am so upset, that I am about ready to tell my cousin that if I can't bring him, then I won't be attending the wedding. I was also asked to do the wedding programs and though I am swamped with my own work (I have my own design company), I felt obligated and didn't know how to say "no". I am also upset about her asking me to do the programs and then not allowing me to invite a guest. What can you suggest to remedy this situation without me having to explain the situation with my boyfriend and I. I don't think anyone would understand if we told them that we were ring shopping already and planning to get married. He has asked me unofficially and that is why we have been ring shopping, but we didn't want to tell anyone until we have the ring to make it official. I'm stuck here, because if I told him about this his feelings would be hurt, because this was when I was going to introduce him to the entire family. I appreciate any insight you can offer. Thank you.

In defense of the bride, if you have not introduced your boyfriend as a boyfriend/fiancee etc. she may not want to have a stranger at her wedding (eventhough he is not a stranger toyou). I would call her an explain that this is a serious relationship and you would like to have an escort. Although she did not allocate a guest for you, you would really like he to do so. Afterall you did assist her with the programs. The last thing you need to do is have a fight about this. You need to remember that you could have said no to being an attendant so that issue of being an attendant should not be raised 2 weeks prior to the wedding. You should not back out on her this late because of the guest thing. If you had been serious with this guy prior to the engagement and planning of the cousins wedding, this would not be an issue. You also should not have asked him when the option to bring a guest was not there. So, if she is a stickler onthe no guest(I cannot believe she would be because 5% of guests do not show up so food should not be a problem and the caterer prepares 5% over the amount of required food). you should attend because you made a promise to her before the boyfirend. There will be other functions for him to attend.

Amy

I HAVE A QUESTION CONCERNING THE BRIDAL VEIL,IT HAS A BLUSHER AND I'M NOT SURE WHEN TO PULL IT UP.WHEN MY FATHER KISSES ME OR MY HUSBANDTO BE??? HELP!

COLLEEN.

It is your decision. You may do either. Most brides have their fathers do it so that they do not have to wear the veil over their face the entire ceremony.

Amy

I would like to know if it is acceptable to state on the invitation: "Must R.S.V.P by _______ in order to attend." ? My fiance and I are paying for most of the wedding ourselves, and I do not want to waste money. Is there some other alternative? Also, is it o.k. to ask for money instead of gifts. This would be to help pay for the reception. I would like most of all, to throw a proper celebration, and we already have most the household items we need. Is there another alternative?

Thank you for your help and web site.
Christina

The card should say "Please respond by "Date"
Number Attending___________ Declining__________.

It is a major etiquette rule breaking if you list anything that pertains tothe suggestion of money or gifts on an invitation. It should never be presumed that a gift is going to be received. If you do not register at any stores, guests will tend to give money instead of a store gift.

Amy

When my sister was married on March 12, 1994 I was the Maid of Honor at her wedding. Now it is my turn to be married but because of her husband we never talk and I don't feel she deserves that position in my wedding. I would like to ask my best friend to be the Maid of Honor. Is this etiquette? Is it fair? Please help, this is my day and I want things my way. I don't want to be one of those brides stressing about what there going to do 1 week before the big day!

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Victoria

You need to do what you feel comfortable doing. You are not obligated to have her in the wedding as your maid of honor, but don't use her husband as a reason to not talk to her.

Amy

This is a tricky one. My fiance and I are having a somewhat large wedding (inviting 280+), in California. My mother doesn't have the means to pay for the kind of wedding we're having. My fiance comes from a wealthy family and is expecting an affair that is well above my mother or my financial means. His parents are helping pay for the wedding and my mother and I are chipping in as much as possible.

The dilema: I've never wanted a fancy hotel wedding. I am a pretty private person, and would much rather have the reception in a more private place. We found a site that is gorgeous, but the price tag is steep as well. It will cost $6000 for the site. We need to pick a caterer from a selected list (with a range of prices) and can bring in our own alcohol. His parents think it would be less expensive to have it at a fancy hotel (The Fairmont in SF), because the prices would be more all inclusive ($120 head including alcohol). I think they may end up being comparable, but because they're paying for it, I feel very uncomfortable bringing this up. I'm trying to contact caterers and get prices to compare, but we're running out of time with the place we really love. Would you happen to know if hotel weddings are generally cheaper because their all inclusive?

I am so grateful for my fiance's parents help that I don't want to offend them. I'm just hoping that the costs equal out so that I don't seem like I'm being casual with their money, but also create the wedding that we really want.

Thanks so much.
Kristian

You and your fiancee need to talk about this. IF you both would like to have it some other place, sit down with them and say " when we envision our wedding day, it is here (and describe it)" Be true about your feelings. I am sure that they would really like you to be happy. If anything, they may offer to pay what the cost of the hotel would be and you would need to pay the remainder. Most inclusive sites are cheaper in the long run. However, you need to do your math and legwork by making this a priority and getting detailed estimates from the wedding vendors. A wedding coordinator will really help out your situation.

Amy Mader

Dear Amy,
My daughter and I are having a minor dispute about the reception. We live in a small town and there is not a reception place within miles. I have suggested that we could have an early wedding around 2 or 3 and then a meal following the ceremony which would start around 4:30. There is a wonderful reception hall in Springfield, MO, but the problem is that it is 50 miles away. I told her that she could start the reception at 7 giving enough time for those who want to attend to drive there. The plus side to this is that there are hotels across the street and there is an airport nearby. She thinks that no one would show up for the reception if it were so far away. What do you think about the idea?

What is the other option? It does not sound like there is one. Where would the reception be if it was in your home town? I would suggest getting married in Springfield and having the reception there. Then the guests would drive in the morning go to the wedding and reception and maybe stay over or leave. Your officiant should be able to travel with you. I cannot say from experience whether or not guests would travel. You must make sure when you send out the invites that you list the hotel info in them.

Amy

I am working on addressing my invitations and I am not sure how to address the inner envelope. The paperwork I received with my invitations said not to use first names, and they showed an example to use ex. Mr. and Mrs. Stevens. It seems extremely formal for some of my friends. Is it o.k. to use first names and say ex. Mike and Kim on the inner envelope? I have to put these in the mail by September 3 to meet the 4-6 week deadline. Please help!

Thanks,
Melanie Jackson

The inner envelope lists the guests who are invited to the wedding and it would be Mr. and Mrs. Jones (no first names). It is considered very informal to use first names or only first names.

Amy

I have a question we have a blended family and my stepson is getting married. He has asked both of his brothers to be in the wedding and the bride is having her sisters and brothers as well but my question is should I be this upset that they did not ask my two kids who are also the grooms younger step sibblings to be in the wedding maybe as a flower and ring bearer instead they asked the brides sisters kids who in my opinon are much to old to be the flower and ring bearer. Please answer my e-mail for I need to know if I am over reacting to this. PS, my kids lived with the groom for 3 years in the same house so they were raised as his brother and sister for a while.

It is the decision of the bride and groom in reference to who should be invited to be in the wedding. the bride probably chose her niece and nephew because she has known them much longer than her future husbands step siblings. The ages really places them as a junior attendants. You should talk with your step son and explain that the ages suggest that the children are junior attendants and you were wondering why your children are not in the wedding. I probably would not ask him, because it is there decision, however, if it is bothering you, ask them and be satisfied with their answer.Aftr you have asked, drop it , move on with your life and respect their decision. Like I said, most couples are unaware of most wedding etiquette and they need help with it.

Amy

Hi Amy,
I am a bridesmaid in my fiends wedding. I have spent alot of money on her bridal shower, dress, traveling expenses. Do I have to give her a gift also? I really can't afford it.

It is customary for you to purchase a gift. It does not have to be anything large or expensive, but something from the heart.

Amy

I'm looking for some help in writing my thank you cards. We had a lot of guests that gave us money rather than a gift and I need help in writing a thank you note in each of these cards. How do address this situation? Also any help with wording for thank you cards would be much appreciated.

Thank you

Thank you for the money you gave to us for our wedding. It will be very helpful in beginning our new life together. We will be using this money for _______________(or saving it for the future). It was a pleasure to see you at the wedding. Your thoughtfulness and kindness are greatly appreciated.

Warm Wishes,
Bride and Groom

Dear Amy,
I want to make a tent canopy to get married under. It will be only large enough for my fiance/husband, the person who is marrying us and I to stand under. We have the structure made (four posts in pots) and don't know what to do with regard to material for the top. We would like it to be open on all four sides, using one piece of material. The question is, how do I get the material to swoop on all four sides and how do I secure it to the posts? Do you have any suggestions?

Sincerely,
Casandra
Santa Rosa, CA

You are creating a chuppah which is a Jewish canopy (only when used in a religious ceremony otherwise it is just a canopy). You should go to a bookstore and look at photos of this. You should find a type of organza and anchor it to the poles. The fabric should be as large as you would like the canopy to be.

Amy

I have a bridesmaid who went to be fitted for her dress this past weekend. After the dress had been pinned with the changes she removed the dress and the sales associate explained the fees that she would be charged for the dress. My bridesmaid told the sales girl that she was not going to pay for them. She said she had paid enough for the dress already. It was explained to her, as I had explained to her, that the package I picked out for the bridesmaids included a free hem, discount on the dress and free shoes. Each bridesmaid would be responsible for all other alterations. She was given the option to take the dress elsewhere or leave the dress for the bridal shop to complete. She told the sales associate that they could do the dress, that she was not going to pay for the alterations and that I would. The cost for the alterations would be about $45.00. The bridal shop called me this morning to fill me in on what happened so they would know what to do and the bridesmaid has not even called to discuss that she wants me to pay for the alterations. What do I do?

This is an all to familiar situation. You need to contact the bridesmaid and ask what happened at the bridal store. You should hear her side and why she thinks that you are responsible for the alterations. After you have heard her side, you need to reexplain what package you chose and what she is responsible for. Call the bridal store back and tell them not to do anything to the dress until they hear from you after you talk to the bridesmaid. You are not required to pay for them and nor should you. If the bridesmaids has a fit, she does have the option to back out of the wedding. Otherwise, she needs to be an adult and pay for the alterations or take it someplace else.

Amy

I just wanted to alert people to something that happened to me in the hopes that other brides-to-be can avoid this very thing.

My fiance and I contracted with a local reception hall, the Don Q Inn in Dodgeville, WI, back in April of 1998. We signed a contract and paid a deposit. I met with the catering manager in December of 1998 to discuss details such as decorating the room, how many guest rooms I would need, etc. He told me that we would not get together again until the month prior to the wedding to finalize the details. So, we mailed out our invitations. I'm sure you can imagine my horror when one of my guests attempted to reserve a room and was told that, under that name, there was no reception on that date! Another couple had that date, according to the people at the Don Q. I immediately attempted to contact the catering manager, and after he successfully avoided me for a few days, I cornered him. His story has changed several times, going from "there was never a contract" to "your credit card has been refunded" to "the previous catering manager took it with her". To make a very long and painful story shorter, our attorney is handling the Don Q and we were forced to relocate just 2 months prior to the wedding. This resulted in remailing invitations, rescheduling other services, etc.

I hope that other brides-to-be take notice - contact your reception hall often, just to touch base, regardless of what they say! You may think that you're being a "pest", but I'd have rather been a pest than in the siutation I'm in now. Luckily, I have a fiance with a sense of humor....the other day, while discussing the situation, he looked at me and said "Honey, they told you it would be memorable. You just forgot to get it in writing that they'd be good memories!"

Dear Amy,
Your website has been a tremdous help, but I also have a few questions of my own.
1. My wedding dress is the color "canlelight". Should the groom and groomsmen wear "candlelight" shirts under their tuxedos, or would white look okay? I would prefer white shirts, but I don't want my dress to look washed out or faded either. Also, I want to have an isle runner, but they only come in white or ivory. Which one would look better with my dress?
2. My flower girl will be 8 years old. She is going to wear a pink dress and my bridesmaids will wear burgandy. Also, the flower girl is going to carry a bell down the isle that she will ring, instead of flowers. Considering this, should she have the title of flower girl or junior bridesmaid?
3. My brother is going to be an usher and so is my fiance's step-brother. We would like for them to stand up front along with the groomsmen. Is this appropriate and if so, will it look funny if he has more people standing on his side (2 more) than I have standing on my side?
4. We will have several candlebras set up at the altar. Who should be candle-lighters? Is it appropriate for the ushers to do it? Would it also be appropriate to have the candles already lit when the guests arrive if we decide to do that?

Thank you,
Susan Savage

1. The groomsmen must wear candelight shirts. The aisle runner should be ivory.
2. She is a flower girl.
3. If they are ushers, they need to stay in the back until all the guests arrive. This will not allow them to be it the front. If you would like for them to be groomsmen (title) then they may usher guests in the beginning. Then when it is time for the procesional to begin, they will walk in the processional. The guests will seat themselves. When walking in, some bridesmaids will have 2 escorts instead of one.
4. The ushers may be the candelighters or you may also have the candles lit before the guests arrive.

Amy

I would Like to include the option of accepting money as a wedding gift but do not know how to include it as part of my annoucement. I have seen the statement" Wishing Well" on some invitations that I have received.

Thanks for your help!
ESP

You must not list this as an option. Your guests understand that they have the option to do this. At the reception, you may have a wishing well for cards on the gift table.

Amy

Amy,
My mother asked me to ask this question, my sister is getting married in New York they plan just to have a simple wedding. This means all the families will not attend. My mother does not know the mother of the groom and she was wondering if she should contact her by mail to congradualate her and her husband? My mother and father live in California and the groom's parents live in Florida. She does not know what to do and neither does the groom. I would appreciate some advice so my mother knows what to do. Thank you.

It would be most appropriate for your mother to send a note. She may even follow it up with a phone call. There is not time like the present to begin a relationship with the in laws.

Amy

What should a bride do if your best friend is a man? Is it against all etiquette rules to have a "man of honor"?

You may have a man of honor. He will wear a tux like the groomsmen, but stand next to you during the ceremony and dinner. He will walk in next to the best man.

Amy

I am getting married next June. My parents are divorced (father is living with someone right now). His mother is deceased.
1. How should we word the wedding invitations? I would like to include his mother's name but am not sure if that is customary. Any suggestions about how to include his mother in the day?
2. Where should my parents sit in the church? I assume my dad's girlfriend should be beside him.
3. I was thinking of charcoal grey bridesmaid dresses? Is that color appropriate for June?

Thanks so much!

1. It is not proper to have a deceased persons name on an invite because they are unable to host the function. It is proper to acknowledge her in the program and place a rose in the seat that she would have been sitting in.
2.Your mother and husband/friend will be in the first pew and your father and his friend will be in the second pew behind your mother.
3.That color will be beautiful for your wedding.

Amy

I don't know if it is ok to have both my father and my stepfather give me away at my wedding.I don't want to hurt anyones feelings and yet I want them both. What do you think?

That would be nice to have them both. Just make sure that they BOTH know what your intentions are.

Amy

Hi, I'm just wondering about thank you notes. What is proper etiquette as far as how soon after the wedding the thank you notes should be sent out? Some have told me within a month, some have said differently. I've been extremely sick since my wedding and have not gotten all the thank you's out yet and want to know if I should be feeling EXTREMELY guilty or just a little guilty?

The thank you nores should go out within 6 weeks after the wedding.

Amy

I sincerely appreciate the useful information you have provided on your site. My fiance and I want a small, intimate wedding consisting of about 75 people. I have a large and close knit extended family (for instance, when I was a child I didn't know who were inlaws--there was no differentiation). My church family has been support of me all of my life and was there for me at every major milestone--many claim me as 'their daughter'. My fiance is in the ministry full time and knows a lot of people, as well, that have shown him overwhelming support (especially when he was a student in seminary). Do you have any ideas how we can share this special time in our lives with those who have been loving and supportive towards us but are not on the guest list (without going broke)?

You may host an open house in your home after you are married. The guests will be able to come and visit and leave when they would like to. It would be nice to invite them all to the wedding and you could have a cocktail reception with small food, cake and punch if you would like to.

Amy

Do you know where I can find paper rose petal confetti, rose petal confetti, or paper streamers? We live in MO. and have been unable to locate confetti or streamers.

You may contact Alegra's Bridal and Invitaitons here in Austin, Texas at 512.499.8305 and ask for the streamer bombs.

Amy Mader

My fiance and I have been engaged since Christmas Eve 1998. We had a huge wedding planned--the wedding of my dreams. We were gonna invite 300 people, have a sweet table with an ice sculpture, and entertainment. Now I have decided I have to move out of my parents' house. The situation is bad and unliveable. Anyway, so I'm moving into an apartment July 1, 1999. Since I'm moving out, I won't be able to afford the huge wedding we were planning. I cancelled the banquet hall already, but we're keeping the date at the church. We need to plan a much simpler and smaller wedding. I have a huge family, so this is very difficult. So my question to you is: What do you suggest for a simpler and less expensive wedding? Please keep in mind that I live near Chicago, and the weather is unpredictable. I want to be able to invite all my family and my fiance's. I want to have dinner, and I would like to have a DJ. Please give me ideas! Thank you so much!

The first thing that you need to do is hire a wedding coordinator in the area. This may seem like a frivolous expense, but it is not. You need to determine what your actual budget is before you go to the coordinator. A certified wedding coordinator should be able to work within your budget. They will have ideas that you may not have. To find a list of coordinators in your area, contact www.nationalbridalservice.com and go to the Weddings Beautiful Section.

Amy Mader

I am the brother of the groom. I have been asked by my parents to serve as "emcee" for the rehearsal dinner. My motherwants everyone to be welcomed and have a prayer before we eat. Then, anything else I feel would be appropriate. Since I have never attended a rehearsal dinner before, I'm not really sure what would be appropriate. Can you offer suggestions?

David,
You should begin the dinner by welcoming everyone and having everyone introduce themselves and say how they are related to the bride and groom. Then you will have pray before dinner. Halfway through the dinner the speeches will begin. You will be first, followed by the maid of honor, the bride's family representative, the groom's family representative and finally with the bride and groom.

Amy

How do we handle tips? Who gets them and how much?

Thanks for your help.

Any wedding vendor can be tipped. The standard is $50-$100.00, You tip in cash and when you feel that they did above what their job description was. You may have your tips in an individual envelope for each vendor.

Amy

I live in CA but am getting married this fall back in my hometown in FL. In order to keep our guest list under control, my fiance and I have agreed to invite only family and close friends - no coworkers. A close friend who also lives in CA would like to throw me a west coast shower, but the only friends I have here are coworkers. Would it be improper for her to have a shower and invite them even though they will not be invited to the wedding?

Yes it is improper to invite guests to a shower and not to the wedding. If you have a shower, they must be invited to the wedding. You may also consider who will actually fly to Florida for the wedding from the shower.

Amy

Dear Amy,
I have a question about response card wording. We're going to have a Brunch the morning after my wedding. My mother wants everyone to respond not only for the wedding but also for the brunch. Within the actual invitation we have the invitation, 2 reception cards (1 for the actual reception and 1 for the brunch), a response card, directions and hotel information. The catch is that we only want the guests to send back 1 response card. How do you word it? Your help is most appreciated!

Stacy

Your reception card should say:
Please respond on or before (date)
Name_______________________________
Number Attending______ Declining_______
Sunday Brunch
Number Attending______ Declining________

(You will have a stamped envelope for this card. This will ensure that only one card will be sent back)

Reception Card:
Reception immediately following ceremony
Facility
Address


Brunch Card:
Please join us for a brunch in honor of our marriage on Sunday, date
time
Facitily
Address

Amy

I am not sure if you can answer this question but you seem to answer so many you will probably know this one. My husband and I married 9 years ago now. We were married before a judge with no family or friends. It was because of money. We were both fresh out of college and I was fighting an illness at the time so my medical bills were really taxing my budget. Now we both have very good careers and are financially able to have a very nice renewel of vows ceremony. As we are Catholic it has been a dream for some time to be married in the church. I have found very few things written on such things and nothing that is consistent. I would like our ceremony as close to a normal wedding as possible. I do not want to do anything in poor taste. Oh but I would so like to wear a gown that I could one day pass on to our daughter. Gifts would be nice since we just bought a new home and we never asked or received anything originally. Can we have the celebration at our Country Club? I really need an etiquette book for this because my Mother-in-law can be a real pal and a real pill about such things.

Thanks,
Harris

You will be having a wedding blessing of the vows ceremony. It will be almost the same as a regular wedding ceremony, except you are already married. You may have a traditional ceremony and reception (looks wise) and have a great party.

Amy

Dear Amy,
I have a question concerning invitations. I have a guest list that is almost 250 people.
There are some people I would like to come to the ceremony only, and there are others that I would like for them to come to ceremony and reception. The invitations are the standard. (with response cards). Reception notice..etc.
Would I not enclosed the information concerning the reception to those whom I want to come to the ceremony only?
What is the actual etiquette in inviting people to the ceremony only, or reception only or both?

Baffled

If you are inviting someone to the ceremony, they MUST be invited to the reception. It is not fair to ask them to come to the ceremony, and then not allow them to celebrate with you. If you are having a difficult time limiting your guest list, begin by cutting out groups of people. However, you may invite a guest to a reception and not the ceremony. If you are not going to invite them to the reception, they should not be invited at all.

Amy Mader

Is it wrong to send a thank-you card with the actual words "Thank You" printed on the front, as long as the bride includes a personal, handwritten message inside the card? I have even seen cards with more elaborate pre-printed phrases. Can these be OK, as long as a personal message is sent inside the card as well?

It is acceptable to send out a thankyou note with the words "Thank You" on the front. However, you MUST have a hand written message on the inside. It is most proper to have your own personal stationery with your name on the outside of the card.

Amy

Thanks for all of the information on your site but I can't seem to find the answer to my question. We are have a small wedding, about 35 people, and we don't want to have dancing. There are going to be a lot a older people, widows, etc. and we don't want to make anyone feel out of place. What is the appropriate way to handle this? And is there anything we can do instead of dancing to make the reception not seem so dead? I would appreciate any suggestions you could give.

You should have a string quartet playing throughout the reception. A copy of this should have been sent to you.

Amy

Where would the groom's step-mother sit, in relation to his mother and father?

The groom's mother and her spouse will sit in the front row on the right side (as you are looking at the altar) and the father and his wife will be right behind them in the second row.

Amy

I just found out that I'm going to be a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. I'm only 15 and I haven't been to too many weddings, so I was wondering if you could tell me exactly the requirements are?

You need to help the bride with anything that she needs help with in the planning process. Offer your help time and time again. You are responsible to purchase your wedding attire (dress, shoes, bra, jewelery and purse and your hair and make up may be done for the wedding). You will need to attend the showers and pre-wedding parties (although you may not be able to attend the entire bachelorette party (depending on where they go and if it includes alcohol). You will also help the bride with anything she needs the day of the wedding. It is important to remember that this will be a stressful time for the bride (unless she hires a wedding coordinator!) and it is her day and she has an idea of what she wants it to be like.. When you get married you will have your day.

Amy

I need advice!!! My fiance and I are trying to decide if we should have the posed groups pictures taken before or after the ceremony. I know it's traditional to have them taken after but here's our problem -- the reception will be held in the church hall right next door. I don't want the guests to have to wait. We've been to a wedding with a simple reception like ours (just desserts) and we waited almost an HOUR before the bridal party was done with the pictures! I know the final decision is ours but do you have any points that might help us make that decision?? Thank you so much. I'm going crazy trying to decide!!

You should take a majority of your photos before. If you do not want to see your future husband, you will take all the photos with the girls and your family then you will go to another room while the men do the same thing. Then afterward, you will only do the photos of the entire weddingparty and you and your husband. This should only take 20 minutes with an organized photographer and his assistant. Your other option is to take all photos prior to the wedding.

Amy

I would like that in my wedding reception, the ceremony like slicing of the cake, throwing of boquet etc.....will have its significance or what this certain ceremony symbolizes. Can you share to me all of these? I like that my wedding to be very meaningful.

Thank you very much. I like your website....its very informative and helpful to those who plans to get married. Good luck and keep up the good work.

Blue Garter: This seems to stem from the most noble Order of the Garter, the oldest order of knighthood in Europe. Its regalia includes a collar, a star and an actual blue velvet garter.Since Queens and Princesses are the only women vested in the Order, and a bride is a Queen for a day, she may enjoy the royal perogatives by wearing a blue garter below her left knee.

Bouquet: Symbolizes life, growth, fertility. Herbs ward off evil spirits.

Coin in the Shoe: Ancient custom to appease Diana, goddess of chastity and unmarried maidens. so the bride could lose her viginity and bear children.

Cake: The bride and groom feed each other the cake to symbolize the sharing of life's bounty. A small bit of icing on his face foretells a "rich and sweet life"; his face smeared with frosting means "trouble"; and if a child under five snitches frosting, their first born will be that sex.

Amy

Our reception will be a 6:00pm buffet dinner for about 100 people. My father (who is paying for the reception) wants to have a dj because he says its traditional to have dancing. The problem is that my fiance and I don't dance...even at our prom we only danced once! Can you suggest some alternatives. I can handle the slow dancing but we don't "do" the fast dancing. I also can't imagine me doing the funky chicken or the electric slide in my wedding dress because it will be fitted. Mostly the guests are older since our parents want to include their friends and from what I've known our own friends don't dance that much either. (Can you believe that we're 23?) Also I was planning for my niece to be the flower girl but I realize that she will be 12. I always thought that little kids should be a part of the wedding but time flies and their not little any more. Who should be the ring bearer? My fiance's best man? Would plum be to dark of a color to have as a bride'smaid theme and carry it out through out the wedding? And what types of floweres do you suggest? Sorry to ask so many questions.

Melissa

You should have a string quartet paly music at your reception. Then you will be able to slow dance and most of your guests seem like they will like this classical music. Your niece is too old to be a flower girl. SHe shoulld be a junior bridesmaid and carry a smaller bouquet of the bridal or bridesmaids bouquet. You need not have a ring bearer, the best man can hold the rings or your junior attendant may hold them.Plum is not too dark of a color. You may have any flowers that you would like. You will need to consult with a florist concerning the availability and season of the flowers at the time you are getting married.

Amy Mader

I have two questions regarding invitations. The invitations I am ordering are very expensive so I would like to order only as many as necessary. If we are inviting a family, all of whom live under one roof, must we send the parents and children (age 11, 13) separate invites or can we send one "family invitation"? Also, is it appropriate to just use nice floral cards for the wedding gift thank-you's or must I get professionaly printed cards with my invitations? I am not changing my name so I don't know how to do the monogram!

Thanks for your help...I think your site is amazing!

Separate invites under one roof only go to the children who are over 18 years old. Anyone under 18 may be included on the parents invitation. You may use any type of thankyou you would like. It does coordinate better when they match the invitations, but most people do not connect the two. You need not do a monogram. I would suggest you use your first names on the thank yous. That way you will be able to use them before the wedding day.

Amy

I sent out my wedding invitations without an RSVP card in them. My wedding is out of state and now I have no idea how to plan a reception - medium sized or small. Should I call the people that I sent invites to to see if they are planning on attending? HELP!

Thanks, Kim Rowland

You should wait for the rsvp date to come. If you have not heard from the couple from the rsvp, then you should call to see if they will be attending. When planning your reception, plan on the highest number it could be, save that amount of money and if your number is lower you will have extra money. You will have to give a definite head count to the caterer 4 days prior to the wedding. You will then have to pay your bill at this time. If you are over this number, you will pay the difference the day of the wedding.If you are under the number, you do not receive any money back because they have prepared enough food for that number. So, it is important for you to keep track of your guest list and head count so that you do not waste money.

Amy

Flowers -- I want to keep things simple -- for the bridal party but look special. What type of fall flowers make a great bouquet. My colors are plum and white.

You should lok at mini lilies, roses, stephanotis and greenery. Your best bet is to have a consultation with a florist. You need to bring a photo of the dress, a color swatch and a budget range with you.

Amy Mader

I was wondering for my sisters wedding, if you had any innovative ideas about how to make the bride and groom kiss during the reception. My sister wants something different, she is tired of the clinking of the glasses and singing songs with the word love in it. If you have any ideas we would greatly appreciate it. Sorry for the short notice.

Thank you,
Christine

Have the guests make up a poem with the bride and grooms name in it.

Amy

I have a wedding gown with a cathedral length train. There are no apparent hooks, eyes, or logial ways to bustle it. Do you have any suggestions on how to bustle a long train for the reception?

All dresses may be bustled, but they do not come pre busteled. You will need to take it to a seamstress to have it done.

Amy

My nephew, my brother's son is getting married soon. I received my invitation a few days ago. It was addressed only to myself and my husband on both inner & outer envelope, even though I have two daughters, ages 19 & 14. I did remember my sister-in-law saying something at the shower about children under a certain age not being invited, although I assumed she meant young children, and, by the way, my older daughter was invited to the shower with me. In speaking with my sister, whose daughter is also 19, I asked if she were invited to the wedding. She told me that both her daughter & her daughter's boyfriend were included on the invitation. However, she also told me that my sister-in-law told her that no one under 16 years old was being invited. Needless to say, I am very hurt. We are a fairly close-knit family, seeing each other at least a half dozen times a year and speaking on the phone, etc. I haven't told my younger daughter that she is not invited because I know she's going to be crushed. I have also not called my brother & sister-in-law because I feel badly about putting them on the spot. I can't just not go. My husband said that I should just go with both our daughters, and he would stay home, if they were just expecting 3 people, but I don't really know that they are expecting 3. I'm considering just sending the response card back with all our names on it & letting my nephew's future mother-in-law think we're boars. I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place & need your advice about the acceptable thing to do.

You definitely should not send your response card back with all your names. Technically, your 19 year old should have received her own invitation and you should honor the no children under 16 request. Due to the cost of weddings, unfortunately, guest list lines must be drawn. When invitations are being address, mistakes are bound to happen. Before you take this issue any further with outside parties, you must call the bride and groom. There is not reason to involve other members of the family and embarass the bride and groom if a mistake was made. Etiquette says that anyone invited to a shower must be invited to a wedding. You may phone the bride and groom and explain that you received the invitation and understand that children under 16 are not invited and you are wondering why your 19 year old was not included on the invite. See what they say. When you explain to your 14 year old, you need to explain it in a positive way by saying that this is an adult only function and make plans for her to do something else age appropriate for her on the wedding night. If you make a big deal of it, then she will as well. You need to handle this in a mature manner and contact the bride and groom directly. And most importantly, remember that mistakes do happen.

Amy Mader

I am hosting an engagement party for my sister-in-law. I have questions regarding the etiquette for the party. How many people should I invite? I would like to keep the party small and would like to invite family and the wedding party only. Should the college friends of the bride and groom be invited?

Kathy,
The engagement party may be as small or as large as you would like. It depends on your budget and the wishes of the bride and groom. However, you must remember that if a guest is invited to the engagement party, they need to be invited to the wedding. In addition, all members of the wedding party need to be invited to the engagement party.

Amy

I have been invited to a shower for my boss' daughter, given by the two owners of our company. I know enough to know there are appropriate shower gifts and INAPPROPRIATE shower gifts --- but I don't know the difference. Before I make a gaff in front of my boss and the owners of our company, please tell me what constitutes which!!

I would purchase something off her registry and allow her close friends to purchase the naughty stuff. Stick with towels or something like that.

Amy

Just wanted to say thanks for having such a great site for those of us fumbling our way through. I have a couple of questions for you.

1. I would like to have a candlelight ceremony in the church, however, I am unsure what type of candle would be best for the guests to hold. Any suggestions? Preferably not tealights --too short, or long tapers --too long.
2. My bridesmaid's dresses will be a silver/grey color. What do you suggest for the color of the flowers, bouquets, etc.?
3. My father and I have always been very close, and I would like the ceremony to reflect this. I would like your opinion on the idea of dancing with my dad to Bob Carlisle's, "Butterfly Kisses" for the first dance, and then have him present me to my husband.
4. After searching high and low for a poem I had heard on, of all places, the soap "Days of Our Lives" a number of years ago, I finall found it here on Wedding Wire. My question is, is there more to the poem itself? I seem to remember after the, "I know not"'s that there was some sort of reply or answer. Thanks in advance.

Heather

1. Your florist should be able to order these candles for you. They are taper candles that are about four inches long. A piece of cardboard sits at the bottom for the wax to drip on to. If your florist is unable to locate these, contact a church. I know that some catholic churches use these candles at christmas.
2.You may use any color for the flowers. You have a muted tone color and you may like muted colors with it (sand, taupe, cream, rose etc) or you may decide you like the vibrant colors (hot pink, orange, purple and canary yellow).
3.You may choose any song that you would like. If you like this song, there is a book that you may buy to accompany the cd and you may give this to your dad as a gift.
4.Ah, you saw Jack and Jennifer's wedding on Days as well.... This is the entire Indian wedding Blessing. You may entend it by using it as your vows and having the both of you repeat it. However, Jack just said "ditto".

Amy Mader

Dear Amy,
I hope you can help solve this dilemma... My finacee and I are going to be wed in 2001, and while this gives us some time to save, we also have other expenses, such as our mortgage payment, insurance, etc... Therefore we, or should I say I, would like to keep the added expenses to a minimum. Here's the problem. His mother has 11 siblings, all of whom are married and have grown children, who are also married and have young children. His older brother was just married last year, so we have a rough estimate of the number of people from his side alone -- 100. We have already decided on, "No small children", however, I was hoping to cut down on the # of people at the dinner by inviting only the immediate Aunts and Uncles, and then having the remainder of the family join us for the dance and midnight lunch. My fiancee, however, feels that because he was invited to all of the cousins' weddings, we should invite all of them to ours. When I explain that there is a small difference between the 2 situations ---most of the cousins'weddings were paid for by their parents, whereas we will be paying for our own -- and that while it was nice of them to invite him (because they could afford to), I don't feel that it's fair for them to expect an invitation, especially when we factor in my family --50 people , and our friends --50people, for a grand total of +/- 200 people.

Also, and I don't mean to sound greedy or money grubbing, but we found out after his brother's wedding that some of the younger cousins had phoned about a week ahead of the wedding to confirm that it was going to be an open bar, otherwise they wouldn't be able to go. And these same people--6 of them-- gave one card with a total of $50. inside. While I sympathize with budget constraints that everyone experiences at some point, I can't help but wonder...

You may invite whomever you would like to. Just make sure that you cut definite lines. For example, if you are only going to invite immediate aunts and uncles, this rule is in effect for both sides of the guest list. No one should be expected to be invited to a wedding and no one should expect to get a fabulous gift from each guest.

Amy Mader

My wedding is in the evening in August. My dress if sleeveless, form fitting, open back with slit up the back. What color nylons would be best, white or nude? Also my brides maids dresses are black, sleeveless, form fitting, open back with slit on the side. Should their nylons be black or nude? Please help me to decide.

Thanks.

If your dress is white, wear white. If it is ivory wear ivory hose. Purchase ultra sheer hose to wear with a sandel foot. Jockey is a good brand to buy. The bridesmaids must wear sheer jet black hose. NEVER NUDE.

Amy

Can you provide some info on "save the date" notices? My wedding day will be the Saturday of Columbus Day week-end. Should I send a save the date notice to everyone on my list? Thanks for your help!

You should send out save the date notices to everyone. It will sound like an invitation, but you will have hotel and activity information with it. You may print this information on regular paper and it should be sent out shortly after you are engaged and have confirmed the date with your wedding vendors.

Amy Mader

I am just wondering what are the roles of the people involved in whole wedding process. I.E. what is the best man in charge of, what are the grooms parents in charge of, and so forth. If you could give me as much information as possible or direct me to a source for that information, I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

Micah

You are requesting quite a bit of info..so you should purchase the Bride's all new book on Etiquette. This will answer all these questions and some..You may find it at most book stores.

Amy

Hi There,
Could you please send me some interesting ideas that I could get my sister to do this week-end while out for her stagette party? We're hoping for a list of at least 20 items to make her do or to partake in?

Please help!

1. Lead a bar of people in song with a live band
2. Locate various things (shot glasses with a bars name on it, a cowboy, frat boy etc.)
3. Locate other bride's to be
4. Find and get advice from married/divorced men (you should provide a book they may right in)
5. Find someone that has the same qualities as her (brithdate, job, color hair etc) and take her photo with them

Hi,
We live in Novi, MI. near Detroit. A friend, who lives in Marquette, MI has registered at Younkers, but we don't know how to access her registry, or where to find Younkers. Can you help?

Thanks,
John & Janie Little

Younkers is part of Saks Incorporated. You need to go to www.saksincorporated.com to find the nearest store to you and the registry.

Amy Mader

I'm having a debate with several others about this issue, I hope you can help me settle it! It's regarding my ring. My engagement ring has a heart-shaped diamond with 2 rubies. I've selected a basic plain wedding band to go with it, and I plan to have the 2 rings soddered (sp?) together after we return from our honeymoon. Here's the issue: On the wedding day, it's my understanding that I should wear no rings, then at the ring exchange, he will put the BAND on my finger, that my engagement ring has no part in it (wouldn't it be awkward anyway to fit it into the ring exchange during the ceremony?). A couple of my friends have said that I in fact should include the engagement ring, either during the exchange of rings or after the ceremony to show off the rings together at the reception. What is the more appropriate thing to do?

Dear Sydney,
You should have your rings sauldered before the wedding (you will not be able to wear it after it is done and before the wedding). This way when you take your honeymoon, you do not have to worry about your rings. In addition, if something goes wrong with the process, you will be able to fix it by the time the wedding happens and you will not have to give up your ring after the wedding. Your other option is to wear your engagement ring on your right hand (you should do this if you rings are not sauldered) and after the wedding (and the band has been put on your left ring finger), you will switch your engagement ring over to the left hand.

Amy Mader

I Have To write my Whole Wedding Cermony. Can You Give Me Some Advice On How To Do So? And Some Examples?

Since you are planning you entire ceremony, you should purchase the book "Wedding Ceremonies" by Jo Packham. This will help you narrow down the endless possibilities for a ceremony.

Amy Mader

I have worked very hard, with my cousin, on planning her June 26th wedding. In less that a week, after we MAILED the invitations, the groom called off the wedding. We had asked the guest to repsond on or before June 5th. She really can't deal with this right now, and since I help her plan and prepare for her wedding, she has asked me to write something to all of her guest to let them know about the cancelllation, of her wedding. She is very upset and I really want to do this for her but I do not know how to do this.
Do I order another type of card and mail it to all 150 guest?
Do we call them on the phone?
What wording do I use for this situation?
Please Help! It has been about a week and a half and I haven't found anything on this subject. I am getting very nervous because I do not have that much time left.

Thanks Ida

Ida,
You will need to have a card printed that says "Mr. and Mrs. bride's parents name announce that the marriage of their daughter Bride's name to former groom's name will not take place". Details should not be given and all gifts must be returned.

Amy Mader

I am the best man in this wedding. I am wondering what my responsibilities are. This is my first time doing this, and I am clueless. Honored, but clueless. Any suggestions?

Dear Chris,
You will need to do the following:

• Host the bachelor party
  
• Help the groom run errands
  
• Hold the wedding ring during the ceremony
  
• Get the groom to all events on time
  
• Keep the groom sane
  
• Make sure all the men have paid for and ordered their tux
  
• Feed the groom the day of the wedding
  
• Make a toast at the wedding and rehearsal dinner
  
• Transport any items they will need for their honeymoon night
  
• Keep track of their hotel room key
  
• Make sure they get to the airport on time for the honeymoon with their tickets and bags ready
  
• Help the family in any way possible to make the event run smoothly
  
Amy

I have several questions:

1. I live in VA, and my parents in NY. WE are having the wedding in VA. Do you have any suggestions on how I can make my mom feel like she is involved in the wedding planning process?
2. I am planning on having my 8 year old cousin be my flower girl. My mom says she is too old. Is 8 to old to be a flower girl? My other option would be to make her a junior bridesmaid and have her 2 1/2 year old sister be the flower girl, but I think she is too young to be in the wedding. What do you think?
3. It has been suggested to me that instead of having a receiving line my fiancee/husband and I should go aisle by aisle and greet everyone and let them out of the pew. What do you think? Have you ever heard of that?

You will need to do all the research and email it to her and ask her what her opinion is if you would like to have it. You may suggest to your mom that she makes a couple of trips to VA and you will work on wedding stuff while she is visitng.

You should have the 8 year old be a junior bridesmaids. You may have the 21/2 year old be the flower girl, but I would not expect her to go down the aisle. She may or may not, but kids are unpredictable. You must have one of her parents in the back of the church and one in the front when she is getting ready to walk so she sees a familiar face. You may also consider having her walk with her sister.

This type of receiving line works very well. It also saves on time and the guests do not have to wait in line, they may sit in the pew and listen to music. You will need to have your officiant make an announcement so that the guests will know you will be coming back to greet them.

Amy Mader

Amy,
I love your website - just found it today. It answered alot of questions that I have had. I do have some questions for you, however:

1) Is there an alternative tradition to the groom throwing the bride's garder? This becomes so crass and I have expressed my concerns to my fiance about not wanting the "stripper music", etc., I would like to offer him an alternative
2) My fiance and I are in our late 20's, and have lived together for 3yrs. Both sets of families are contributing (mine more $) in addition to my fiance and I. My parents are divorced and remarried. To keep things less complicated, is it appropriate to word the invitations "Together with their parents"?
3) What is the ettiquette on leaving a floral arrange at the church after the ceremony? (Catholic wedding)

Any advice is much appreciated!!
Thank you,

Leah Kirk

You always have the option to not do the garter toss. Or you may choose to have another song like "It's raining men" by the Weather Girls. You have the opportunity to turn this into a polished event at a wedding. Yes, you may use together with their parents on the invitation. Your Mother's name will be on line one, your father's name on line two. Your step-parents names are not listed on the invitation. It depends on the church guidelines. Some churches require you to leave the arrangements and others do not. You need to ask your church on what their policy is.

Amy

I'm my brother's best man in just over 2 weeks' time - do you know any good websites where I can get suggestions for the speech?

I am not sure of any websites dedicated to this, but the book Wedding Toasts and Speeches by Jo Pacham will help him out tremendously. It is available in most bookstores.

Amy Mader

I am the only bridesmaid in a "non-traditional wedding". I am planning a get together (bachelorette party) for a few of the bride's friends (10). We will be going to dinner and dancing afterwards. The question's are: Do I have to pay for everyone's dinner. etc? If no, how do I address the invites to let them know that they will be responsible for some of the costs?

Each person will pay for themself and then contribute to the brides dinner and beverages. On the invitations you may have printed in the corner "dinner range is $15.00-25.00 at the restaurant name". You may also want to have a little card inserted with the directions on one side and what they should contribute to the bride's dinner and beverages.

Amy Mader

When is the proper time to light the unity candle? My daughter is getting married outside in a gazebeo and the reception is inside. Can the candle be lit at the reception? Also is it at all proper to have the ubnity candle and not light it? My daughter wants to have a unity candle but wants to keep it therefore not light it. I feel it carries less meaning if never lit!

The candle is lit after the vows and exchange of rings. It should be lit, otherwise I would not have one. It needs to be lit during hte ceremony. If she wants to keep it, it will only be lit for about 20 minutes and will not burn long. She may purchase a candle that has a removeable wick and the candle will not get ruined.

Amy Mader

My question is when should we send out wedding invitation's? Also when should the reply date be? This is not for me it's for my sister who I said I would help out any way I could. Since I was asked this question I thought why not check out the web and I found you. You have a great web site and I'll probaly be back so thank's for now.

Kelli

The RSVP needs to be at least 3 weeks before the wedding (since you will receive some after that date) and it will give you one week before the wedding to make phone calls. The caterer will request a head count 72 hours prior to the wedding. The invitations should be in the mail 6-8 weeks before the wedding.

Amy Mader

Trying to locate where someone can ask a question, I Looked at your questions and did not find one. If a couple has been living together for five years and they want to get married whose responsibility is it to pay for the wedding? Should the couple ask their ushers and bridesmaid to give them money to pay for their wedding?

Money should NEVER be requested when talking about a wedding. It is the bride and groom's responsibility to pay for the wedding unless their parents are going to contribute to the wedding.

Amy Mader

I would like to give the best reply to the toast during my marriage. I expect that this would be the best and should be remembered by every one. I prefer the reply to be suitable for a Indian Christian one. Hope to get your suggestion to prepare one for my marriage.

Amy Mader

Unfortunately, I cannot give you a reply unless I know what he will be toasting to you. When you reply, give a response from your heart and truely listen to what your best man is saying to you.

That is a very good question. I would contact a copywright attorney and the attorney general of your state and present your case. They shouldbe able to allow you to override the copywright restriction.

Amy Mader

The photographer I hired for my wedding seemed very professional, and had an impressive portfolio. All went well at the wedding, and the proofs were returned promptly and looked fabulous! However, when we went to place the final order, my photographer had disappeared! Three years later, I am still stuck with no wedding album. Since the proofs I have are copyrighted, no photographer will touch them! Both parties did sign a contract binding us to an agreement. Is there any legal way to get the copyright of the photos waived so that I can get them professionally reproduced?

There are several young children in both my and my fiance's family. Aside from ring bearer and flower girl I am struggling to find roles for these other children. It is a Catholic ceremony, so using candlelighters is not an option. Do you have any suggestions so that they will feel included? Also, do you have any suggestions for a few college-aged kids as well? Thank you in advance for your help.

Dear Shannon,
They may hand out programs, be greeters at the church and reception or be personal attendants to the wedding party. These jobs may ne done at any age.

Amy Mader

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding to be held in October and am searching for ideas for a lighthearted joke to play on the bride at the reception. For the joke for the groom we are going to have the ladies at the reception turn in their "keys" to the groom's apartment. Any ideas along this line would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Dear Jennifer,
How about doing a skit on the courtship of the bride and groom, sing a song to them (a paradoy perhaps) or create a poem with each wedding party member contributing a line.

Amy Mader

I have a couple questions for you. First I am the mother of the bride.
I am getting ready to address invitations do the parents and attendents receive invites(both bride and groom parents are divorced and remarried) 2nd the weddding colors are black and white is it ok for me to wear navy blue. I have remarried and was wondering since my daughter has lived with me and her stepfather longer and we are paying for the wedding not her real father who should give her away. thank you very much very helpful site.

Sandy

Dear Sandy,
1. Yes parents and attendants receive invites.
2. Yes you may wear navy blue.
3. The bride should decide who will give her away. This is totally her decision.

Amy Mader

It is not actually by wedding, but my sister Debbie's. I am Maid of Honour and will be organising her 'Kitchen Tea' I would be interested to know if there is a web site or if you can supply me with a site, that could give me some good ideas, rhymes for the presents etc. I would really appreciate your help.

Dear Carol,
Unfortunately, there is not a site dedicated to this. However you may consider being creative yourself and asking for the help of the wedding party members. This will allow the rhymes to be personal to the bride.

Amy Mader

How can I word invitations that include my parents and his divorced parents. His mother is remarried and his father is not. They are all contributing to our wedding. HELP!!

Dear Tracy,
Brides parents names
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
bride's name
to
groom's name
son of
groom's mothers name
groom's fathers name
on saturday, date
year
time
place
city and state.

Amy Mader

I am trying to find the proper format for responding to a wedding invitation, the rehersal dinner and dance invitation. No pre-addressed cards were included in the invitations. I know to use plain white note cards but would like a sample reply in the affirmative.

Mr and Mrs. Jane Doe (add others attending) will be attending the rehearsal wedding, and dance for (bride and groom's name). This should be sent to the address on the back of the invitation.

Amy Mader

1)I have heard that the mothers (of the bride and the groom) should not wear white or cream, as this may "upstage" the bride. Is this correct? Is it appropriate to try to stay within the color scheme of the wedding? I am the mother of the groom.
2)The bride and groom are from different communities, and so we are planning a second reception locally three weeks after their wedding. Does this need to be just like a wedding reception, or do we have more latitude with cake, traditions, etc?

Thank you for your help.

It has been said that the mother of the bride should wear ivory, stand in the corner and shut up.. However, this is not true (the shut up part). You may wear ivory or any other color that blends with the wedding. I would consult with the bride first and ask her what she would prefer.
You may have this reception in any form that you would like. You have much more latitude with the second reception, however, invitations still need to be sent.

Amy Mader

I am hosting a bridal shower for a couple 800 miles away. The groom is my best friends son. We have called it an across the miles shower. The bride and groom are unable to attend due to distance. Many of the shower attendees are unable to attend the wedding for the same reason. Those coming to the shower have been asked to bring an unwrapped present, which we will wrap at the shower (I'm providing wrap and doing the mailing) What's a fun way to look at the gifts other than a "show and tell" type of activity. I'm trying to think of a game or activity to share gifts before we wrap. We will be videotaping the festivities for the bride and groom.

Each guest may have a chinease swap. You pick numbers and each person will be able to pick a gift to wrap. The person may take a gift from the pile or from another guest. One gift may only get swaped at a time (the card from the original purchaser shouldbe inside the gift for thank you note purposes). The person with number 1, willhave the final pick. If a gift gets taken away in one round, then that person who lost a gift gets to pick another one. Then at the end, the gifts will be wrapped and the guest will decorate it and have "wrapped by" on the outside. You should use white paper and markers so that the gifts will be wrapped creativiely. I must stress that the cards must be the inside so that the bride and groom know who purchased it.

Amy Mader

Amy,
Thanks for our help with my earlier question. I have another one. My bridal party will consist of a maid of honor, a junior bridesmaid (9 years old) and a flower girl (6 years old). What suggestions do you have for the coordination of their gowns/dresses?

Linda

The maid of honor and the junior bridesmaid may wear the same dress (if they both fit into women's dress size)and the flower girl may wear a white or ivory dress. Her dress may match or coordinate with the wedding gown.

Amy Mader

At the wedding reception (or dinner), who gives speeches and in what order. Also, who makes toasts, and to whom? Again, in what order? When are the speeches/toast made? After dinner? Before/after dessert?

Thanks a lot for your help.
Tammy

Toasting Order: Best Man, Maid of Honor, Grooms Family, Brides Family and Bride and Groom. The Best man toast is made when the guests arrive and all the others may occur when you would like them to.

I am in charge of planning my sister's bachelorette party and have little to few ideas on what to do. Do you have any suggestions? The only thing I have planned for sure is reservations for dinner. I need help on party favors, table decorations, games/activities, anything? I definitely don't want strippers and veils with condoms!

Thank You,
Kimberly

You should have the bridesmaids make a list of things that the bride needs to do or get throughout the evening. These tasks may be as simple as getting a shot glass from a bar or restaurant to leading a bar in a song with a live band. All these tasks will be in a bag and she will need to pick one out when she is told to. After she completes a task, she may have a shirt signed by the person/s who helped her complete the task and she may give them a kiss (hershey kiss that is). Then she will have the shirt as a keepsake.

Amy Mader

I need help. I am looking for a particular dress. The style number may be 422.The dress is similar to style number 453 in white. Difference is in material It has a detachable skirt same material as the dress, with a boat neckline. This style may be discontined. Please let me know if it is, and when it was discontined. If not can I order it or if you can advise me of where it might be avail. Thanks.

Jessy.

I am unaware if this dress is discontinued. However, you need to go to a bill Levkoff retailer and see if it is still running. If it is, you may order it from the store. If it is not, you may ask the store to call Bill Levkoff and ask the factory if they would make the dress for you. THis has been done before but the company will charge you an exorbant fee to do this for you. Usually the fee is $150.00 and up.H owever, if you are in love with this dress, you may consider doing this if the factory will allow you to.

Amy Mader

Hello Amy,
What is the tradition and etiquette surrounding a "gift opening"? I haven't heard of this term before, although I can figure out that it's the time newlyweds open their gifts!

Thanks,
Susan

Dear Susan,
The gift opening takes place on the day after the wedding. This is a time not only to open gifts, but for the guests to say one more final farewell. A brunch or luncheon usually accompany the gift opening. The bridal couple will open their gifts in front of everyone so that all may enjoy the viewing of the gifts.

Amy Mader

Amy,
What does etiquette say about giving both a shower gift and a wedding gift? I have heard different views on this. I helped host a wedding shower for my cousin and gave her a gift of substantial value ($100.00+). I will be attending her wedding. Do I need to send a wedding gift? I am not apart of the wedding party.

Thank you.

A gift should be sent with each invitation that is received. You should have a gift for the wedding.

Amy Mader

My parents are divorced and my fiance's are not. My parents are not best friends but they have been fairly good on getting along, so far. I have a couple of questions in regards to what is appropriate and what's not: 1) walking down the aisle, if i want to walk down with my mom and dad - how should my step mom and step dad get down the aisle (my stepmom is opposed of them walking together), is it ok for them to stand under the huppah? 2) the head table at the reception - should i have 3 parent tables, if so, who do my fiance and I sit with (we have a huge wedding party -too many for one table).

Any help is appreciated!!! Thanks. Stephanie

Dear Stephanie,
1. Your step dad and mom will be ushered by an usher. Your step dad will be first and your step mom will walk after him.They will wit for their perspective partners to join them. They should not stand under the chuppah.
2. You should have three parent tables and you and your husband will sit with your maid of honor, best man and members of your wedding party.

Amy Mader

Just to let you know, I love your page.
I have a touchy subject regarding my father. The wedding is over, but I need a little bit of closure about whether I was right or wrong in what I did. Regardless of problems my father and I have had over the years, I invitied him to my wedding. Just as I thought, he didnt show. I later heard that he was upset because his name was not on the front of the invitation. My wife's parents were listed and my mother was listed. To be honest, I didn't think he would come anyway, and this may be an excuse.
I could see if my stepfather (my best man and best friend) was listed on the front, but I neglected to list either. If Stepdad was listed, I could probably see a reason for resentment.
What do you think? Who should or should not have been on the front of the invitation?

Thanks in advance, and keep up the good work... looking forward to hearing from you.

Robert

If you have not had a close relationship with your father, then he should not have been listed on the invitation, but then your mother should not have been listed either according to etiquette. With this type of situation, I would have suggested that you should have used the traditional wedding format (brides parents only). However, to rectify this situation, you should call your dad and honestly explain to him why you did not have him on the invitation. You did not think that his feelings would have been hurt. If they were, you are sorry for that. This may open up a line of communication between the two of you.

Amy Mader

Could you please inform me whose responsibility it is to host the Bridesmaid's Luncheon?

Dear Alexandra,
The bridesmaids are the host of the luncheon. The bride is the host of the bridal luncheon. Sometimes an aunt or friend will host the luncheon but they should not.

Amy Mader

We are planning a small wedding (20-30 people) at our new home. We are being married by a Justice of the Peace (who has known me my whole life), and just family and close friends will be present. We are planning a 1:00pm ceramony. Should we go out to a restaurant to eat, there is one close by, or should we just have finger foods at the house, and have it catered?

Your advise would be appreciated.

You may do whatever you would like. It will depend on what your budget is. It is easier and less of a headache to go out to a restaurant. Most restaurants will have a separate banquet room for private functions.

Amy Mader

Our niece's daughters, age 4 and 6 will be flower girls at our daughter's wedding. Our niece thinks her 11 year old son should be ring bearer. We think he is too old. What do you think?

Technically, he should be titled a junior groomsmen and he is allowed to carry the rings.

Amy Mader

Dear Amy,
A friend's daughter is being married. Her fiance's father and mother are divorced. The father has remarried. Where should he sit at the wedding? He is not his son's best man. Please answer.

Dear Mary,
The father and his wife will be seated on the right side (facing the front of the altar) behind his exwife and her guest.

Amy Mader

Hi Amy, I would like very specific information on the use of Unity Candles in weddings ie: religious traditions and customs. What is the symbolic meaning of them? Thanks.

Dear John,
The unity candle is three candles (two taper candles on the sides and one pilar candle in the middle). The two tapers represent the bride and her family and the other represents the groom and his family. THis is why the mothers are the ones who usually light the candles. After the exchange of the rings, the bride and groom will join the flames and light their candle symbolizing their commitment and the joining of their lives. Unfortunately, it was thought that the catholic church required this, however this is not true. I have researched the tradition and have been unable to find out where this symbol actually originated.

Amy Mader

Hi Amy,
I just heard of your web site today! What a blessing! Here are my questions:
1. I am getting married in October '99. We're having a picnic type reception at our new home (assuming all goes well and we actually get the house!). Any ideas for this? I saw pumpkins & hay on a question on your site and that's great, anything else?
2. I want to release doves or butterflies. How do I incorporate that when I'm getting married in a church? I'd really like to get married outside, but how do you plan on that not knowing the weather six months in advance?
3. I have twin sons, at the time of the wedding they will have just turned eight years old. I would like both of them to walk with me down the aisle. Where do they stand once we get there? Are they "giving me away"? Also, I have heard of "family ceremonies" where the children received medallions just after we exchange rings, can you offer any info on this or anything related that will incorporate them in a significant, ceremonial way?
4. A lady at my office actually introduced my husband-to-be and myself. She would be honored if I could find something special for her...what can I do without actually having her as a bridesmaid? What is Mistress of Ceremony" and can she do that? Is that an "honorary" title?
5. Finally, thanks for your patience, this is my second wedding, but his first. My first was very simple, short & quiet. We are having "real" wedding. Is this ok? With the Brida Registry and all of the other little things?

Please help!! Thanks sooooooo much!!!!!

Wanda,
1. You may consider using a Halloween theme...You may want to give the guests trick or treat bags for party favors.You may even go further with having the guests dress in halloween costumes.
2. the items should be released after you are married when you are leaving the church. You need to prepare yourselves for the bad weather outside (tent).
3. Your sons will sit in the first row to the left of you in the front row after they give youaway. After your are given your wedding rings, your husband will give your sons a medallion or a ring that symbolizes your husband will be promising to raise them as his own.
4.You may consider to have her as a personal attendant (she will help you throughout the process and will be by your side the day of the wedding and there to run errands).
5. You may have the wedding you always dreamed of...showers and all.

Amy Mader

Copyright © 2010