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We are planning on a October of 1999 wedding at a beautiful Italian turn of the century house upstate in the Hudson Valley area. The house almost decorates our entire wedding, but what ideas can you suggest to give it a fall harvest theme even though we are in the middle of the Hudson Valley with beautiful foliage - more like personnel touches, centerpieces etc.

Thanks,
Jeff

Dear Jeff,
If you would like to stay with the fall motif, you may do the following. You can have roses that are in the rust and light orange shades of color. Your centerpieces may be a candle with squash, leaves and greenery around it. You may scatter leaves on the tables (nice looking ones of course). You may use wicker baskets with hay to add to the decor.

Best wishes,
Amy Mader

Dear Amy,
Is it in poor taste to have my future step son in my wedding? His father really wants him to participate and so do I. The problem is his mother. She is only around when she wants to play mom. They went through a nasty divorce and she has done everything she can to try and ruin our plans (when she is out of jail for drug abuse). I want to avoid any problems. Should we just forget it?

HELP!
Amy

Dear Amy,
I can not imagine what the ceremony would be like without your future stepson in the wedding. You are going to develop a relationship with him and he needs to be there at this special time. Do not forget it. She cannot ruin all of your plans. I would notify the wedding vendors you are working with of this potentially bad situation and continue with the wedding as scheduled. You should not sacrifice anything on your part in fear of what the ex could do.

Amy Mader

Dear Amy,
As the father of the groom, I decided to wear a suit rather than a tuxedo to my sons wedding. The suit is dark, (midnight blue) silver grey tie, white shirt of course. Is this ok? I don't feel comfortable in a tux. The wedding will be held in the evening.

Ed

Dear Ed,
This will be acceptable to wear as long as it is OK with the bridal couple. There are tuxedos (straight coats as oppossed to tails) that resemble a suit and fit more like a suit. However, you do hold a prominent position in the party and you should stand out a little.

Good Luck
Amy Mader

How do I find an out-of-home baker for a wedding cake?

Tosha

Dear Tosha,
You should go to a bakery first. If they do not make cakes, ask if there is a business in your area that does wedding cakes at a store front property.

Amy Mader

Hi Amy,
A wedding shower is being held in my honor...I was wondering if it was customary for me to give the hostess a token gift for giving me the shower? You are the only person on the web who answers my questions in a timely manner or even does it at all!!

Thanks.
Gina

Dear Gina,
It is a nice gesture for you to give the hostess of the shower a token gift, but it is not mandatory.

Amy Mader

This is my first wedding but my fiance's second. We're going to have a big traditional wedding but it hurts my feelings because he doesn't seem as excited as I am. I know his divorce was difficult and happened due to really bad circumstances, but it's not fair that I should have to suffer just because he's already done it. And to him it's "no big deal". What should I do? It makes me feel bad to think that he isn't excited about getting married.

Please help.
Yvette

Dear Yvette,
I am sure that the groom is excited about getting married and I am sure that his lack of excitement is not due to his divorce. Some grooms are unaware of what his duties are and possibly think that the bride alreay has her mind set and their contribution is not desired. I would sit down and talk to him, just the two of you. Voice what your concerns are and always refer to the wedding as OUR day not just yours. You may add that his lack of involvement and participation in decisions is hurting your feelings. You must take care of this now or you will hold resentment towards your future husband.

Good Luck,
Amy Mader

My friend has asked me to be her maid of honor and help plan the wedding, which I've done before and have no problem with. The complication we have run into is her stepbrother. "Brad" is about five years older than "Lynn," and he molested her from the time she was seven until she was ten and moved in with her mother. Her father, "Jack," was told about the abuse and he knows how uncomfortable Lynn is around Brad at holidays. Jack has volunteered to pay for the wedding. However, Jack is insisting Brad be invited to the wedding so his second wife's feelings aren't hurt. After more than ten years of therapy, Lynn's skin still crawls when she's around Brad, and her fiance, who knows the whole story, can barely keep from attacking Brad. I'm glad that Jack worries so much about his second wife's feelings (he certainly didn't care this much about Lynn's mom's feelings), but Lynn can't stand the thought of Brad being there and acting as nasty as he has at other major family events (i.e., Lynn's older sister's wedding). Should Lynn give in and invite Brad or tell her father where to shove his money? There's tons of bad feelings involved and I'm determined to see my friends have a wonderful wedding, no matter what.

Julia
(always the bridesmaid...)

Dear Julia,
I would tell the father to shove his money. This wedding is too important to the bride and groom . If I was in her position, I would rather have a picnic for a reception (if I paid for it) then be put in the position with those people for a huge wedding. If the bride gives in now, she will have to compromise for the rest of her life.

Amy Mader

I'm interested in having a "fantasy/royalty" type castle wedding. I'm not looking for the Medieval type, more like Cinderella (in adult mode). I've been told there are at least seven castles in the United States, but I can't seem to locate them. I'm also interested in any information regarding this type of wedding. Do you have any suggestions?

Dawn

Dear Dawn,
The only area in the US that I know about for the wedding you are looking for is the fairytale weddings at Walt Disney World. I think you should check this out and see what you think. You may call Disney or look at their website. (you will arrive to the ceremony in a glass carriage).

Amy Mader

Is it OK to invite guests to the ceremony but not to the reception? With our budget we can't invite everyone to the reception but I'm sure there are people our families would like to invite to the wedding (some of which my finace and I don't know very well). What can we do?

Nicole

Dear Nicole,
It is impolite to only invite guests to the ceremony and not the reception. It is best to limit your guest list to fit in to your budget.

Amy Mader

A friend of mine is getting married. They have lived together for some time, and have children. There money is tight and she is having a wedding but it is a cut all expense wedding. I was wondering if there is anywhere on the net that I can download and print invatitions to the wedding and the shower? I would like to help her out all that I can. Do you have any tips for my husband and I? We want to renew our wedding vows... but we were married in january.. I want a summer wedding...is that ok?? We were planning it for June this year...our 10th year. That has been put off. Is it customary to do this only at 10-15-20-25 year time frames or at any year? Any advise on this would be helpful. We had a formal wedding when we got married but I am very lost now.

Thank you,
Cynthia

Dear Cynthia,
I am not aware of any place on the net you may download and print invitations. If you would like to save money, you should format the invitation yourself on a disk and take it to a printer. The printer will only have to print it. It is tradition to plan a vow renewal on a 5 year basis but, you may have the celebration anytime you wish. Please refer to the wedding wire tips and information section and that will help you get started with your plans.

Best Wishes.
Amy Mader

Hi,
My wedding is planned for the 4th of July. I have already picked out my wedding dress, but I am having a problem of finding the perfect shoe. I have a certain one in mind, but, despite all the bridal shops I've been to, I have not found one. I've seen some in the bridal magazines, but I live in Huntsville, AL and there is no way I can go to New York or California to get a pair of shoes. The kind of shoe I would like to have are white satin platform shoes. Have any suggestion? Please help.

Pauline

Dear Pauline,
Look at the company called Touch Ups by Benjamin Walk. They are based out of Barrington, New Hampshire. You may find their phone through 1-800-555-1212. If you have any problems, you may call "I Do" Wedding Gowns here in Austin at 512-458-1595.

Best Wishes,
Amy

This is probably a strange request, but do you happen to know the wording of the wedding "speech" given on the TV show "Northern Exposure" when, I think, Adam and Eve were married? I remember when I saw the show thinking that would be a great reading/wedding vow for a wedding someday and now we are faced with planning/writing our vows. Thanks for your help!

Heather

Dear Heather,
I have tried to locate the wording from Northern Exposure. I would suggest contacting TV Guide and ask them for the information.

Good Luck,
Amy

Amy,
Just a note of thanks for responding to my e-mail. You are the only one out of "a zillion" wedding websites that gave me an answer! The only other response I got told me to go back to their website and look at their definition of bridesmaids. (Whatever!) I will definitely bookmark your site and pass it on to all my friends and family! I have 3 weddings coming up in the next year - so the info. is much appreciated!

Thanks again,
Jess Lorber

I am currently planning a "Couples Shower," however I am not sure I would like to call it that. Is there any other name for this event? Can you call it a "Bride Groom Shower?" What other options do I have?

Thank you!
Sari

Dear Sari,
Actually, what you are planning is called a Couples Shower. However, you may choose to call it a " Jack and Jill" party.

Good Luck,
Amy Mader

I am a very small framed woman, standing at only 4 feet tall. I have been in several weddings in the past and have had extensive troubles finding shoes to wear. In addition, costs of dresses has doubled on occasion when major alterations had to be included. Where can I go, or who can I contact in order to get elegant shoes (size 1) and for future reference, how do I go about getting a wedding dress made that won't cost me a ransom? Please help!!

Dear Bride-To-Be,
For your shoes, I would contact the Touch Up shoes by Benjamin Walk corporation or Kenneth Cole company. You may find out their number through 1-800-555-1212 universal information. As for your gown, any gowns that are custom made will run the cost of a minimum of $1000.00 and will go on up depending on designer. You may have better luck going to a bridal boutique that specializes in petite sizes. They will be ordereing from bridal manufacturers that have a petite line. Otherwise, you always have the option to have your gown custom made.

Best Wishes,
Amy Mader

Dear Amy,
My fiance and I are planning an informal beach reception after a church wedding. We were wondering if you have any experience arranging this type of wedding reception or any suggestions for types of canopies, bon-fires, barbeques, etc? We're looking for an economical, simple reception that will still feel like a wedding reception and as comfortable as a beach party.

We could sure use any and every suggestion you might have!!!! We're interested in using your services, but we're not sure where you are located. We are in California.

Thank you for you time.
Sincerely,
Sara & Robby

Dear Sara and Robby,
Although I wish to do a Beach wedding, I have not done one yet. Austin is in the middle of the state. Therefore, I would suggest you go to the website www.weddingexperts.com/weddingsbeautiful. This will allow to locate the weddings beautiful certified wedding specialists in your area. They will be able to answer any questions you may have.

Best Wishes,
Amy Mader

I am making a friend's bridal shower invitations with a "round-the-clock" theme and don't know how to word that section of the invitation. I am not sure if there is a proper phrase or wording that is appropriate and that isn't too confusing.

Currently, it reads:

Please bring a gift that Jenny and Sam can use together, at the following time of day:

Any advice you can give would be appreciated.
Thanks.

Cynchinn

Dear Cynchinn,
This would probably be the best way to word this:

The "hour" you have been chosen is____________. Please have a gift coordinate with the specified time.


Good Luck,
Amy

Hey there, Amy!
I hope you can help me here. My fiance and I are planning a wedding for June of 2000. I know that's quite a ways a way, but I'm beginning to think about the little things. I plan on having two maids-of-honor...my best friend and my sister. I will also have two bridesmaids. That's not the problem. I want to have a junior bridesmaid, but I have three girl cousins. My mother says to use the oldest of the three, but she is from my dad's side. The flower girl is also from my dad's side. I don't want the people on my mom's side to get upset because the wedding party is comprised of cousin's from my dad's side. Even though the oldest girl, Danielle, will be 14 by then. The other two will be only 12. What should I do? Just drop the whole junior-bridesmaid idea? Is there any way to involve them without it just seeming like I'm just "throwing them in somewhere"? I'd really appreciate any ideas that you might have. This is going to be the happiest day in my life, and I don't want a family feud!! Thank you so much!

Shana

Dear Shana,
I would suggest you have a junior bridesmaid and include the others as junior usherettes. Their job will be to hand out programs or favors (bubbles), seat guests, hand out wedding cake, and keep particular guests around for pictures. They will have matching dresses as well as a corsage. If you already have ushers, these two girls will help out the ushers.

Best of Luck,
Amy

My fiance' and I are planning a small intimate wedding with family and a few close friends. We've found a clubhouse to hold both the ceremony and reception in Austin. In order to save money, we'd like to do our own invitations on the computer. I'm having trouble finding the paper to print them out on, however and was wondering if you'd have any suggestions. Also, we'd like just one cake and not a white one which is normally the bride's cake. What could we do to have a wedding cake suited for bride and groom at the same time? Any suggestions on where to have this done in the Austin area? Thank you for your assistance. You've got some great ideas here...

Cheree

Dear Cheree,
Since you are in Austin, go to the Paper Planet in the Arboretum area. Actually, it is next to REI off of 183. There you will find the paper you need. They have a large variety. For your cake, you need to go to Miss Jeanette's cakes on Rutland drive. She will provide you with a unique cake and her cake is wonderful. Call her for a free consultation.

If I may be of any further assistance, please e-mail or call.
Amy

Hi Amy,
I'm getting married over Memorial Day weekend. I have heard that for a long holiday weekend you should mail out the invitations well ahead of time. Most of the guests will be coming from out of town and may need the advanced notice. What do you think? When should I send out the invitations?

Thanks,
Gina

Dear Gina,
You should send out the invites earlier on a holiday weekend (10 weeks) as well as hotel information for your guests. It would be nice to send out an itinerary to the guests with hotel info, things to do in the city, and brief wedding details. This may be sent out ASAP.

Good Luck,
Amy

Dear Amy,
I am getting married in August and I need some help! The wedding is in the afternoon and we want a formal wedding but we don't have a lot of money to spend. What can I do to make it elegant but not break the bank? We are also having a reception dinner but don't want to have a very formal dinner like china and wine. We are trying to keep it friendly and formal. What can I do to keep an elegant, friendly atmosphere at the reception?

Louri

Dear Louri,
Your atmosphere will will be dictated by YOU and the presentation. You may take cheese, crackers and fruit, present it in sterling silver serving dishes and white linen table cloths and it will look wonderful. You may want to have heavy hot and cold hors de ouvres with cake and punch and that will be elegant (in sterling) as well as affordable. The presentation will make it formal and yet keep the price down. You may also consider having a bartender who will be mixing fruity non-alcholic drinks. The alcohol is expensive. You may have tropical looking drinks that will look very nice.

Best Wishes,
Amy

I just got engaged, at the moment I am a full time student and I work full time so my fiance and I decided to get married in August of 2000. My question to you is when should I start planning my wedding as I am very busy?

Thanks,
Karine

Dear Karine,
I would make definite decisions 1 year prior to the wedding date. However, I would start to look at different wedding vendors and begin to formulate your ideas so that you will be able to make educated decisions with your wedding.

Amy Mader

I'm getting married in a Lutheran church and would like more of a traditional sevice, but I don't know much more about it than that. What kind of things are included? What about vows? What kind of music can I have? If there is any information you can provide I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

All of these questions you have asked will depend on the church's policies that you are being married at. Some of the churches are more liberal and others are more conservative. Your best bet is to call the church and ask them. Most ceremonies will include the following:
Processional (walking in)
Greeting
Intentions (ask what you are here doing)
Reading
Song
Reading
Vows (they are usually written out and you are prompted by the minister)
Exchange of rings
Lighting of unity candle
Presentation (as a married couple)
Recessional

Best Wishes,
Amy Mader

My niece is getting married in August and does not want the traditional wedding cake. She is having an evening candlelight wedding with hordourves at the reception -- no sit-down meal. Do you have any ideas for a dessert? I have been the baker of the family and she would like me to make these desserts but my baking consists of simple, basic recipes. How could I elegantly display these if we decide to go this way. Thanks!

Sue

Dear Sue,
You may display them around an ice sculpture or on silver trays. You may want to consider having chocolate covered strawberries. Thank you for visiting Wedding Wire.
Amy Mader

Both my sister and I are getting married this year (May and August). We are looking for an alternative to the traditional guest book. Do you have any suggestions?

Angela

Dear Angela,
I would suggest you find a large picture frame and have the guests sign the mat inside the frame. You will then have a large group photo taken at the reception, you will place that photo in the mat and you may hang it in your home.

Thank you for visiting Wedding Wire.
Amy Mader

Dear Amy,
I am currently planning my wedding for November 14, 1998. My question is, I have 2 very close friends. One has been my friend for 15 years, the other is my future sister-in-law. When my fiance and I announced our engagement, everyone, including her just expected that my future sister-in-law was going to be my Maid of Honor even though those roles had not been discussed. Since then, I have tried on several occasions to get together with her and discuss the plans, flowers, reception sites, etc. She has been very unresponsive and when she does give her input it's very negative. As you may have guessed it has made us grow very far apart and I am wondering how/if it is acceptable to ask her to step down? My other friend of 15 years, who was to be my bridesmaid has stood by my side, giving me support in everything and that is the type of person I believe is a true friend and should stand beside me on the biggest day of my life.

Could you please help me. This has the potential of causing a big arguement so any advice you can lend me will be a great help.

Thank you,
Joanne

Dear Joanne,
You should nip this situation now. You need to talk to your future sister in law. Take her out to dinner and ask her about her feelings of the wedding and what she thinks she is suppose to be doing. You may then tell her what you expect her to do and that it may not sound like she is able to devote that amount of time to you and you understand that. If she would like to be a bridesmaid, which entails a lot of responsibility, you would understand. Otherwise, you need to have a maid of honor that is able to devote a lot of time to the wedding. If you really want her to step down, it should be asked now. It is important how you phrase this because she will be around a long time. Ususally when I run into this problem, there is one person who is jealous of your happiness and attention.

Best of Luck,
Amy Mader

This qustion pertains to trying to find a fun song for my bridal party to dance to after we do our 1st dance. I want something to be different, and I can't find anything on the web that relates to the bridal party, only groom/bride, or father/daughter dance. Can you offer any suggestions? I'm sure many people have the same problem. One thought I had was "Friends in Low Places", by Garth Brooks, but I'm not sure. Please help.

Thanks in advance.
Pamela

Dear Pamela,
"Friends in Low Places" is a good song. You also may want to consider the following:
"Celebrate Good Times" - Kool and the Gang
"We Are Family" - Sister Sledge
"You've Got A Friend" - James Taylor
"I've Got You Babe" - Sonny and Cher
"That's What Friends Are For" - Gloria Loring
"Friends are Friends Forever" - Michael Smith (?)

Some of these songs are fast and some are slow. I hope this list will give you some ideas.

Best Wishes,
Amy Mader

I have been trying for days to find out the requirements for my fiance and I (both US citizens) to get married when we vacation in Mexico next month. Any ideas or websites I could get to? No luck with tourism or consulate thus far. Thanks!

C. Martin

Dear C. Martin,
The requirements are different depending on where you go. You should contact the city hall of the place you are going. You should be able to find that information at the police station in the city you are going to and the police number should be available to you through your travel agent.

Amy Mader

Hi Amy,
I am getting married in May, 1998. We are having a small ceremony and big reception. Since 90% of our guests will be invited to the reception only, we have decided to send out single-envelope invites. How should I address the outside envelope since there won't be an inner envelope?

Thanks,
Gina

Dear Gina,
You will address the invitation as an outer envelope... Mr. and Mrs. Jon Smith. If you are inviting their children, add "and family". If you need a head count for the caterer, you will need to enclose a response card. Thank your for visiting Wedding Wire.

Amy Mader

I am the Personal Attendant to the bride at my brother's wedding. What are my duties to the bride? I am not a bridesmaid. I know I am to help her get ready before, but is there anything else I should know? Any help would be appreciated!

Thanks,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
I am so happy that you asked this question... A personal attendant is an important job. You may help with the following: pick up dresses, help address invitations, run errands, help with pre-wedding parties, return rental items after the wedding, make favors, pick up guests from the airport, decorate, and help the bride with anything the day of the wedding. You are a free set of hands that will be greatly appreciated.

Good Luck!
Amy Mader

Hi,
My friend from college is getting married in June. I'm a bridesmaid and I'm trying to help the maid of honor decide on some games/activities for the bridal shower. Both family (some of whom I've never met) and friends of the bride will be there. Would you be able to refer me to a website or have any suggestions of your own? It would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you!
Gwen

Dear Gwen,
Since the group does not know eachother, the first thing you need to do is an ice breaker. You may make nametags with clues on them (you will need the help of the bride and the mothers) (i.e. Lisa, sorority sister, barbie playmate, oldest friend). Mix up the name tags and hand them out randomly making sure that no one receives their own. Then instruct the group to find that person by asking only the clues. Each time they have a "yes" to a clue, they may continue until they reach "are you lisa". If they find their person, they introduce themselves and hand over the tag. When doing this, you want to be creative to throw people off. You want them to talk to as many people as possible. You may break the large group into small groups and have them each design a part of the bridal attire out of toilet paper or construction paper or fabric and then the bride will need to put it on. You may create questions about the bride and groom and the guests will need to guess if they are true or false.

Thank you for visiting Wedding Wire.
Amy Mader

I am getting married in March of 1999 and my fiance and I do not have a lot of money to spend on a wedding. Every wedding I've been to has been in the evening and had a catered sit down dinner and dancing afterward which was wonderful...but I know the bride's family spent alot of money.

I was thinking of having an early afternoon wedding so that a formal dinner wouldn't be necessary. But what about dancing? Do people dance at early weddings? If not, then what to they do? It seems if there wasn't any dancing, the reception would be over in a heartbeat. I want to save money, but I want my reception to be enjoyable also.

Any ideas or suggestions would be helpful.

Ali

Dear Ali,
You may consider having your wedding on a Friday night or Sunday. These days are less expensive in the wedding industry. You should check into this. The reason is all wedding vendors are able to book on a Saturday and a wedding on any other day will be "extra" money for them. If you chose Friday night, you could be married at 6 with dinner and dancing after. Instead of a dinner, you may choose to have hors de ouvres instead. This would be a cocktail hour type scene. In my experience, guests do not dance as much at an afternoon wedding as they do at an evening wedding. They usually listen to the music. I would also check into having your reception on a Sunday evening and having it on a holiday weekend (Labor Day) so that most guests will have Monday off for travel.

I hope this helps you.
Best Wishes,
Amy Mader

Dear Amy,
I'm a first ever bridesmaid and to be honest I have been to very few weddings also and so naturally I have a few questions. You see the bride-to-be is insisting on both a bridal shower (100 guest) and a stag and doe (200 guest). The problem is she wants her bridesmaids to fund the two events. I extremely honor that she has even choosen me to be in her bridal party, but with me pulling through a university, financially I will not have the means to do both! The other bridesmaids have expressed the same feelings I do. We don't mean to hurt her feelings, but how can we tell her she is only going to have one or the other or even worst two very cheesy ones. Is it proper to have just one or the other, or do you have to have both? Also if possible would you be able to tell me what a stag and doe involves?

Thank you so very much,
Kim

Dear Kimberly,
I understand your dilemma. The bride is asking an awful lot to have that number of guests attending. Both events should be sponsored by the bridal party, but hopefully these suggetions will help. For the shower, you may have a "recipie theme". This theme is where the guests bring a sample of their favorite recipie (4-5 servings) with a written copy of the recipie. This will take care of your food and all the bridal party has to provide are beverages, a place, decorations, favors (if desired), and invitations. The bride will then have a recipie collection from all of her friends and family. For bachelorette party, you may choose to go to different bars and all the guests pay for thier own drinks and whatever the bride will drink and eat. These ways will be the most economical for you and they will not be cheesy. Being creative does not have to cost a lot of money. The bachelorette party does not really have to involve anything. Basically, it is a last time for the bride to have a great time with all the girls before the wedding. You may choose to have a stripper, but that is not mandatory. One fun activity to do at the stag is to have a bag of activities for the bride to do (i.e. a body shot at a bar, lead a bar or group of people in a song, take a picture with a stranger etc). These may seem juvenile, but they are really fun and have been successful.

Best of luck to you,
Amy Mader

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